Sounds cool to me.

thepoliticalnotebook:

Picture of the Day. Cairo, Egypt. Demonstrators in front of the state television building rally against military rule.

Photo Credit: Suhaib Salem/Reuters. Via.

View more Picture of the Day posts. Submit a photo.

thepoliticalnotebook:

Police and protesters currently facing off at Occupy Oakland. There are a number of tweets about rubber bullets, tear gas and arrests, although there’s a great deal that I can’t confirm at the moment.

Here’s a link to a live stream.

Photo via @oaklandlocal.

tumblr, y u no let me put spaces between paragraphs???

Seriously, how do I put extra spaces in my text without having to go into html?

In the lunchroom of my high school

I found myself surrounded

cornered, an animal in a cage.

An exotic curiosity,

at first,

an African Parrot

with dramatic, vibrant feathers

that mimics intelligence

manipulating speech.

But soon seen

as a slimy snake

a danger, a threat

poisoned and poisonous

tempting, sly, hissing lies

to be shunned like a leper

and stoned as an adulterer.

They draw closer

intrigued, as if I’m already

on fire, and I can feel

their hot breath;

their crosses

dangle from their necks

just out of reach.

It’s ugly.

They say.

It’s not worthy.

They think.

It’s wrong.

They know.

And they try

to feed it crackers

and grape juice

because all the signs say

to feed the animals.

They want to give it a collar too

and command it like a war dog

that fights for the wars

of civilized people.

But it’s a stupid animal

and they soon leave it separate

to starve to death and die

and die and die and die

and keep dying

forever.

That, sadly, is not where Luxembourg is in real life.

Gay people are like:

Pedophiles,

Nazis,

Terrorists,

Radicals,

Ron Paul,

Atheists,

Jews,

Muslims,

Christians,

Hindus,

Jains,

Sikhs,

Buddhists,

Pagans,

Fast food workers,

The people down the street,

Clowns,

Country singers,

Those people at state farm,

and

Police officers

in that they’re people too.

Andrew Jackson is a great American Hero.  He was a veteran of the American Revolution and the War of 1812.  He is one of the greatest and most successful trolls in all of world/American (because America is the world seeing as I am an American) history.  Here is his story.

In 1767, Andrew Jackson was born in South Carolina.  He never officially had a middle name, although it is speculated that his full name was Andrew Stephen Tyrone Colbert Jackson.  Stephen Colbert of the Colbert Report is said to be named after him.  Nothing of real importance happened to Jackson until the American Revolution, so I will jump there.  At age 13, Jackson joined the militia as a messenger boy where he later was sent up the Santee River to find and kill Walter Benedict Kurtz, a Hanoverian American who went rogue and joined forces with the Cherokee.  After that mission, Jackson was captures by the British and nearly starved to death.  While imprisoned, he refused to be a bitch, and a British officer cut him with his sword. Jackson reportedly laughed and cried out, “Don’t cut me, bro!” Eventually, he was released. However, he was the only person in his entire family to survive the war.

After the war, he did some lawyer shit and had plenty of crazy, “spiritual” adventures with Edward Norton and Gandalf, who is also Magneto. Edward Norton helped to teach Jackson self-defense and how to be bat-shit-insane, while Gandalf taught him to be a wizard.

Then in 1798 he was appointed as a judge on the Tennessee Supreme Court which is basically Tennessee’s only real court. Everything else is ruled by a Mark Twain Mob Mentality. In the last year of his supreme court service, he bought a ginormous plantation owning at least 300 slaves. They were his elite legion of Black Spartans under the leadership of LeoNigga, The loud and Obnoxious. On the backs of his slaves, he became one rich, slick motherfucker. At that point in his life, he realized how horrible Tennessee was and decided to attempt to bring it some culture. He then conned a whole bunch of Indians and eventually founded Memphis. Little known fact, Billy Mays actually learned all his sale practices from Andrew Jackson. Then some other unimportant shit happened.

Then the war of 1812 happened. Andrew’s only mistake in life up to that point was to be in favor of war with Great Britain, but he made up for that by kicking ass. Basically, he kicked a lot of Native American ass in the Battle of Horeshoe Bend and then stole land from all the Indians involved including his allied Indians. He then did some raging from there to New Orleans and jacked off for awhile until the Brits got there. When the Brits got there, he said GTFO NO OPTION OF TITS! The Scottish soldiers then proceeded to flash him, so Jackson trolled their asses and permabanned them from American territory.

Shortly after the war, he was called by President Monroe in 1817 to kick some more Indian ass. His roundhouse kick was so sharp and precise that it decapitated many Seminoles. They then called him “Sharp Knife” which in Seminole means Voldemort. So for years, Native Americans called him “He Who Must Not Be Named.” Tom Riddle, who was at war with Great Britain, also called himself Voldemort in order to strike fear into his bitchy European enemies. However, during his campaign of kicking ass, Jackson learned that serious business was afoot. Apparently the British and Spanish had been supplying Indians with weapons and telling them to raid and pillage. Jackson became so enraged that he nearly rage quit over the whole situation and then realized that revenge was a better option. So, Jackson invaded Florida and executed some Brits. Spain and Britain then demanded that Jackson be punished (although the Europeans said reprimand because they were scurred of Jackson). Jackson replied with a giant “fuck you” resulting in the capture of Florida. This inspired Monroe to troll the entire international community by saying, and I quote, “…either put some god damn policia here…or give it to me…I mean most of your fucking population is American anyways.” Spain gave up and “sold” us Florida, a giant concentration camp for our old people. Monroe then wrote up the Monroe Doctrine that basically said, and I’m quoting again, “You Europeans think you’re so tough? Invade America and see what happens. Go on. You won’t do it. That’s right. WE OWN OURSELVES. DO WE LOOK LIKE WOMEN?

In 1824, Jackson then ran for president but failed because the House of Representatives was too scared of his ass-kicking.  Seriously, the American People wanted Jackson, but the aristocrats were balls deep in the Adams Family. However, Jackson tried again (since he had nothing better to do) in 1828. Jackson and his peeps decided that they didn’t like the basically one-party system in the country and decided to create the Democrat Party. To add to the troll, he formed the Democrat Party, today known to be liberal and leftist, out of the “Old Republican Party.” Essentially, he did a political barrel roll. He trolled so hard during the elections that his opponents called him a jack-ass hence the donkey symbol for the Dems today. In fact, Johnny Knoxville and his friends all performed variations of stunts Andrew Jackson did which is why they called the show Jackass. And he similarly won reelection like a boss.

During his presidency, Jackson managed to eliminate the national debt becoming the only American president in history to do so. However, there was a depression that started at the end of his 2nd term. People blame Jackson, but it really was the fault of the banks and Van Buren who pulled a Herbert Hoover and said, “fuck you, poor people.” On top of this, Jackson destroyed the national bank, because it was full of corrupt greedy incestuous bastards. Jackson was also against Electoral College, because he too voted for Al Gore. And although Jackson was from the South, he bitch-slapped the secessionists. The south threatened to secede from the Union, but Jackson trolled them into submission in hopes of preventing the Gone From the Wind’s publication. Unfortunately, Buchanan sucks as a president. Oh, and he finally got the last laugh on the Native Americans by exiling them to Oklahoma where they still live today.

Jackson, like many great presidents, had assassination attempts. Robert Paulson was doing some embezzling with the navy causing Jackson to dismiss his ass. So, right after Jackson was paying his respects to George Washington’s mom, Bob attacked Jackson. Washington Irving then tackled that bitch to the ground and threw him in front of Jackson. Jackson lulled and told Bob that he was Tyler Durden and did not press charges. However, Robert Paulson was later raped in the face by ceiling cat. Later, Dick Lawrence pretended to be Keanu Reeves and attacked Jackson with two pistols that both misfired. The man then claimed to be a British King. For his ignorance, Jackson beat him to a pulp with his cane like a boss. He trolled so hard that David Crockett, a squad of lolcats, and Chuck Norris had to stop Jackson from killing the guy. Afterward, the pistols were retried multiple times never misfiring. The American people claimed that God saved Jackson, but since God doesn’t exist, we all know Jackson used his wizard powers to save himself. The only president known to be a better wizard than Jackson was Abraham Lincoln because he had more monocles.